The older you become the more you realise how precious your time is. I have, at least. I am so conscious of who I spend my time with, where I go and what I do. Sometimes I feel like the minutes really matter.

I didn’t feel this until my Grandad died. It hit me like a tonne of bricks – we are not here forever. This was a long time ago now; and the older I have become the more prevalent it has felt.

I have always struggled with time management. In work, socially and at home. I am late – a lot. I hate that. I think it has something to do with my anxiety (which is NO excuse!) because even when I have plenty of time; I spend it checking and re-checking things.

It takes a long time for my head to put things into a logical order and become routine. I find it really difficult. It has become a real sticking point with my recovery as I feel that I start things with great intentions and unless they become a habit, I tend not to do them. Despite that, I am SUPER grateful that I don’t have an addictive personality – sometimes I do think it may help me along though!

I’ve found lock-down a difficult time to have routine; normally I get up, dressed, breakfast, kids to school, clean the house etc. Very similar routine every week – certain days included visits to family, friends etc. Obviously now that has gone out of the window. At first I found it quite calming because I needed a break but now I can feel the need for order in my life.

I have began to implement a routine myself. Previously my mindset was very much that ‘if I don’t have to, then why do it!’ I used to think people that woke up at 5am were insane – like what the fuck!? Why!? I still kind of do actually… 🙂 Anyway now I am getting up at a regular time. No lay ins, it’s not healthy. If I am unwell I will sleep but otherwise I am UP.

Not only is this routine helping with my mental health; it is giving me more ‘time’ to spend with others. I have a full morning and full afternoon to social distance visit family, to take the children out, to clean the house. It’s refreshing, I just wish I had some more stability within it all.

A lot of decisions are being made FOR people at the moment, which is weird. I don’t like it. I’m slowly getting used to it though.

xo