That’s a lie.

It’s up and down. Some things just don’t feel right some days.

It’s been a while since I posted. I have been caught up in so much. Nothing important. Nothing dramatic. Just stuff, too much of it.

Every time I see my mental health decline it is because of too much stuff. The baggage.

I’m starting to wonder if I can actually get to a point where I can function – mentally – whilst being able to have shit going on around me.

Right now that doesn’t seem possible. I can’t do too much without reverting to a vulnerable, fragile wreck. It is so fucking frustrating.

I literally want to put things in the bin, get rid of them. All my feelings about the sad stuff, all the responsibilities that have been handed to me – without my consent. I can’t seem to get rid of them at the moment. I know part of being an adult is taking on responsibility. I accept that as a parent, as a partner. I accept it as a grandchild and child too – but I shouldn’t have to do SO much. I am fucking exhausted. I can’t hold everything up.

I actually can’t.