Tag: positivity

Precious Time

The older you become the more you realise how precious your time is. I have, at least. I am so conscious of who I spend my time with, where I go and what I do. Sometimes I feel like the minutes really matter.

I didn’t feel this until my Grandad died. It hit me like a tonne of bricks – we are not here forever. This was a long time ago now; and the older I have become the more prevalent it has felt.

I have always struggled with time management. In work, socially and at home. I am late – a lot. I hate that. I think it has something to do with my anxiety (which is NO excuse!) because even when I have plenty of time; I spend it checking and re-checking things.

It takes a long time for my head to put things into a logical order and become routine. I find it really difficult. It has become a real sticking point with my recovery as I feel that I start things with great intentions and unless they become a habit, I tend not to do them. Despite that, I am SUPER grateful that I don’t have an addictive personality – sometimes I do think it may help me along though!

I’ve found lock-down a difficult time to have routine; normally I get up, dressed, breakfast, kids to school, clean the house etc. Very similar routine every week – certain days included visits to family, friends etc. Obviously now that has gone out of the window. At first I found it quite calming because I needed a break but now I can feel the need for order in my life.

I have began to implement a routine myself. Previously my mindset was very much that ‘if I don’t have to, then why do it!’ I used to think people that woke up at 5am were insane – like what the fuck!? Why!? I still kind of do actually… 🙂 Anyway now I am getting up at a regular time. No lay ins, it’s not healthy. If I am unwell I will sleep but otherwise I am UP.

Not only is this routine helping with my mental health; it is giving me more ‘time’ to spend with others. I have a full morning and full afternoon to social distance visit family, to take the children out, to clean the house. It’s refreshing, I just wish I had some more stability within it all.

A lot of decisions are being made FOR people at the moment, which is weird. I don’t like it. I’m slowly getting used to it though.

xo

Drink Lots of Water

I have just written a list of things to live by, rules, I guess.

My first and biggest rule is drink lots of water. It’s really fucking important. I can’t stress that enough.

Hydration is key to good brain function and it makes you feel a lot more human too!! I find it really helps when I am going through a bad bout of depression. It only helps when I remember to do it, though.

The list was prompted by the mind management book I am reading (I know I have talked about this in the last few posts – I am enjoying the book!)

I have typed my list up, printed it on nice paper and I am going to look at it every morning when I write my positive affirmations & reasons to be grateful (thank you to the person that suggested that in my comments!!).

I suppose the idea behind printing it out is that I can surround myself in my beliefs and positive words in the hope it will re-train my brain and give me a better outlook on life. I am hopeful. Half a lifetime of depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety will not wash away with the creation of a poster but it seems a good start.

Another thing on my list; get lots of rest. This is a new one to me. I love to be busy. I hate to be still. I am very, very high functioning for a depressed person. I hate this so much. I don’t like to hate something that comes naturally but I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that my body will not slow down.

That is something else I am re-training within my brain. It is OK to rest. It IS OK. The world will not stop turning if I sit down and relax. I know these feelings centre around guilt. Guilt for not doing ‘enough…’ The idea that there is always something to be done. Housework, studying, reading, bathing the dog, visiting family, educating the kids… the list is endless… It is exhausting.

I actually welcomed lock down with open arms. Not the pandemic, the fear, the virus, the grim bits. I welcomed the slowness. The idea of not being able to do all the things I felt I needed to do. It has made me massively re-evaluate how I go about life. I am certainly learning that life is too short to give too much of a damn about how clean my house is.

My life always has and always will centre around family and love. I surround myself with the people I love for a reason. They make me feel good. I have learnt hard and fast that having negative people around you is a bad path to follow, I have let them go.

That’s all for now, remember to drink lots of water.

xo